they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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