At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
