I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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