Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
