no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
