woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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