I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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