I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
