true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Small penises have feelings too.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he fucked my hip out of place.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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