if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
