my mouth tastes like poor choices
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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