The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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