I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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