i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
