She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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