Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize