I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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