i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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