Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
