I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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