People in love make me want to vomit
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize