I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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