we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
