So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
