jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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