It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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