Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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