Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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