Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
