Betty ford says i'm here all night
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
