the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
