You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
