Dual....:-)
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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