i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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