He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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