dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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