I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
