make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
