yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize