rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
