he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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