Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She bit a glass in half.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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