I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
