I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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