barbara walters just said penis...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize