no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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