You made me cry and you don't even care
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize