so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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