speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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