He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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