You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
