you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
