Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
More tranny stories later!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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