I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize