The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize