the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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