Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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