who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
