He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
