I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This house was built for laser tag.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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