he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
