so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
