She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
