I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
