My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
