you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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