me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
