Do you still have your period?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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