She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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