It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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