My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
