you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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