I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
