Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
