I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
