Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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