not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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