Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
