UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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