i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
