i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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