Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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