i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize