I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
