I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
