In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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