Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
